going through the motions

in less than one hour i will be driving to an expensive house to tutor a kid on the SAT. i will carefully go over the formula for linear equations and when to use it's vs its, among other crucial SAT content

i spent the day alone, mostly. my boyfriend left this morning, and i went to a coffee shop later for a little. i feel like i mostly wasted the day

i forget, sometimes, that the people around me have dreams/hopes/fears/vulnerabilities/crushes/weird family dynamics/insecurities/fantasies/embarrassing memories. isn't it interesting. that all the randos who create the backdrop of ur life have their own, rich inner worlds. that to them..... u are the rando...... it is interesting!

sometimes i fantasize about being interviewed. about answering questions with perfectly thought-out but self-deprecating answers that will make strangers like and appreciate me

in korean when ppl ask each other how they're doing, they often ask "have you eaten?" (like, that's the literal english translation of the phrase). i'm not sure that's relevant to anything. but it's stuck in my head

have you eaten?

have you eaten?

sometimes its like

wow!!!!! i cannot live in this fleshy meat sack one more second!

there you are

i wish i was more of a permanent thing!
that i didn't flit in and out
at the slightest furrowed brow or genuine smile

charisma is supposedly power+warmth

you need people but you can't need them too much
it seems impossible!!!